[overflow] Re: GHHS

[Mat Butler <winged@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

On Wed, 9 May 2001, Lee Gold wrote:

> I'm not talking about giving up.  I'm talking about toughing it out
> even though it hurts.  If you can indeed easily control your emotions 
> by intellectual decision (I think I'm going to fall in love with
> so and so for this weekend because it'll make the convention more
> enjoyable -- and then stop being in love when the con is over 
> because he's not really a safe person to love) (my parents have
> gone senile; I'll decide to stop loving them), then yes, we're
> obviously wired differently.

'love' is (in my considered, but humble, opinion) not an emotion.  It's a
complex interaction of different desires.  For example: I desire not to
be hurt by my current boy/girlfriend by him/her saying that my morals and
values are completely wrong, and that I must change them to suit
him/her.  I desire not to be hurt by my friend anymore because he couldn't
deal with the concept that a higher-priority item came up in my life that
I had to deal with at the time we were supposed to meet, and my friend
couldn't comprehend why what came up was a high-priority item.  I desire
to be around him because he's charming, witty, and we usually end up
having good conversations.  I desire to be around him because he shows me
and reminds me through his honest statements just how good I really do
look.  I desire to not feel guilty for leaving my parents, who have
gone senile, in a nursing home for the rest of their lives.  And so on.

How we react in love seems to be an odd combination of "what's at the top
of the stack"... how many stories have you heard where wives and/or
husbands depart because there was something huge in their lives that they
couldn't deal with, only to come back later as they realized that they
were being blinded by that one item/desire and remembered how many other
items/desires there really were?

I don't really think it's ever possible to completely stop loving someone,
unless there are no positive desires to ever be around that person and no
positive desires for that person to be happy [for whatever reason].

But, on the flip side of the coin, I think we all do these things (fall in
love, etc) because of our own desires... and I think that 'greediness' is
not truly the sin that it's made out to be, in that context.

Just my two cents...

-Winged