[overflow] Re: GHHS

["Robin Holly" <rfholly@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

>I think that with a species whose cultures depend on social feedback,
>that permitting prolonged verbal abuse is teaching children to tune
>out others as much as they can, and thus helping create sociopaths.


This is an excellent point, Lee!    How do children learn healthy civilized
modes of interaction if they never observe them?   Kids are not "naturally"
civilized beings.  Rather the reverse.  Peer interaction alone is not going
to supply a civilizing influence.  And one of the things I have noticed is
in the news reports is that the parents of some of these kids say after the
fact "I had no idea little Timmy was building bombs in his bedroom".   Uh,
why not?  It seems unlikely that these kids were getting any positive
influences at home to counteract the poisonous ones at school.

>My standard for judging "harmless teasing" is that "what goes around
>comes around."  No person is always the butt of the jokes or immune
>from them.  And the same goes for physical tustling.  It should be
>consensual and among equals, not many against one, not strong
>against weak, not going on after the loser has submitted.


A good definition.. I was trying to come up with something like this
earlier.  Part of what makes it difficult is that some people are more
thin-skinned than others and take it more seriously, when it would be more
productive to laugh and return the tease.  But that comfort level is found
more between friends, I think.    Teasing the outsider, who gets the
negative interactions but never the positive ones is where it becomes
destructive.

I was listening to a local radio show where they were discussing an
"anti-bullying" program in the local schools.  A good idea, but they have
room to improve- their advice to kids being bullied was "make friends- you
won't be picked on if you are part of a group".  Gee, is that all you have
to do?

It does argue that there is room to teach interpersonal skills in schools
however.   Some basic psych stuff is covered in social studies now.  What
could be added?  Listening or roleplaying, perhaps?  Negociation skills?

I am also reminded of an interesting program on the local public radio
station about "Voices" , a theatre piece that was done at a NH high school
(The Front Porch, Tuesday February
27)http://www.nhpr.org/frontporch_archives.htm  .  The play presented a
series of scenes about teen issues from the teens' POV and was done partly
in response to some bullying problems that the school was having.    The
response to it seemed good, but I think that there needs to be more done
earlier.  By the time they get to high school the damage has been going on
for years.

Robin