[critique] Re: New Song: How to Own Your Human

[the Ginger Cat <gingi@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

I've made some changes... I think it hangs together a bit better.

BTW, for anyone who'd like to perform this-- I did this in the "Beauties &
Beasts" concert at Boskone, and discovered that the spoken bits take up
about three extra measures.  It might be better to have someone else make
the comments "behind" the sung line -- and different voices would be neat
(oh, Jacob...).

On Sun, 18 Feb 2001, the Ginger Cat wrote:
> How to Own Your Human
> copyright 2001 by Nyani-Iisha Martin, Jacob Sommer, Rachel Silverman
> ttto "This is Not the Way to Get Laid" by Leslie Fish
> 
> Listen and I'll tell you, it's no cheat
> If you want good food to eat
> Don't assume you deserve those treats
> This is not the way to get fed.
> 
  Don't ignore those human calls
  While you're out a-chasing jingle balls
  Or get into such noisy brawls
  This is not the way to be cute.         [hissing, spitting, yowling]
 
    Don't play the cool sophisti-"cat"
    To show how bored you are.
    Sitting on the wrong side of the door
    Just won't get you very far.          [In or out, princess?]
> 
> Don't skip washing, do it now
> So that you'll be the cat's meow
> You'll just have to do it anyhow
> Or else you're on the way to a bath.    [hey, wait, there's WATER in
                                          there!]
> 
> And when a lap comes into view
> Don't let instinct speak for you.
> Sticking your butt up her nose won't do
> This is not the way to get scritched.   [oh, YUCK!]
> 
>   Don't spill that pan of litter out
>   Upon her new-washed floor.
>   Getting gravel in her toes
>   Just will cause a mighty roar!        [I know how to cook you, Cat!]
> 
> Just be cute when you begin
> Headbutt the human with your chin.
> Don't let them know where your tongue has been
  This is not the way to be loved.        [I've been drinking out of the
                                          toilet, aren't you proud?]

  You know they love to stroke your bod
  But your purrs are not a quid pro "cod"
  Not since Egypt have you been god
  This is not the way to be served.       [And would her highness like
                                          some meat-by-product pate?]
> 
>   They won't let you stay in the bed
>   Just because you're you.
>   No-one cares what you think or feel
>   Unless they have good reason to...    [Hairballs!  Bad kitty!]
> 
> So stay well groomed and clean your paws
> When the humans see you, obey their laws.
> Your pets will be like Santa Claus
> And wait upon you hand and foot.
> 
>     Stay friendly kitten, they'll all be smitten
>     Yeah, that is the way to stay fed!

-- 
R. S. Silverman
http://www.gingicat.org
"It isn't my fault that I'm supposed to be living in a musical and got
stuck in a dramatic production." --Robert Cooke, on rec.music.filk