[critique] Re: REWRITING Make a Wish

[Lee Gold <leeway@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Sean Cleary wrote:
> 
>         > A comet's glowing ice and gas.
>         >       When it burns across the sky,
>         > But this light's not a comet's pass.
>         >       Wish that it won't die.
>         >
> is this verse as needed as the rest? A nearby verse says almost the same
> thing. And you wanted the song as short as practical, if I read you
> correctly.

No, this is part of the gradual realization of what the shooting
star is, and it shouldn't be rushed in my arrogant opinion.
Certainly I want to try this song out on an audience before assuming
the emotional pattern needs changing again.

--Lee