[critique] Re: REWRITING Make a Wish

[Lee Gold <leeway@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Rob Wynne wrote:
> 
> On Thu, 15 Feb 2001, Lee Gold wrote:
> 
> > OK, here's one more verse and that's as long as I'm going to let it grow.
> >
> > MAKE A WISH
> > by Lee Gold
> >
> >
> > Children, don't forget this night:
> >       Watch it burn across the sky.
> > We saw a spaceship's final flight.
> >       Wish that it won't die.
> >
> > The crew is steering spirals down.
> >       Watch it burn across the sky.
> > It has to burn up, not hit ground.
> >       Wish that it won't die.
> >
> 
> I'd swap these two 'round. 

But if I do that, I've got a crew before I've
established a spaceship, and I think that's
confusing.

--Lee