[critique] REWRITING Make a Wish

[Lee Gold <leeway@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

OK, here's one more verse and that's as long as I'm going to let it grow. 

MAKE A WISH
by Lee Gold


A shooting star's a sight to see!  
	Watch it burn across the sky.   
Make a wish you know can't be:    
	Wish that it won't die.      

The twinkling stars still hold their place,
	Slowly wheeling in the sky.
Just one light that's lost its way:
	Wish that it won't die.

The twinkling stars are like our sun,
	Blazing gas-balls in the sky.
This light's time will soon be done.
	Wish that it won't die.

A comet's glowing ice and gas.
	When it burns across the sky,
But this light's not a comet's pass.
	Wish that it won't die.

A meteor's just melting stone
	When it burns across the sky.
No one there to scream or moan.
	Wish that it won't die.

Children, don't forget this night:
	Watch it burn across the sky.
We saw a spaceship's final flight.
	Wish that it won't die.

The crew is steering spirals down.
	Watch it burn across the sky.
It has to burn up, not hit ground.
	Wish that it won't die.

A shooting star's a sight to see:  
	Watch it burn across the sky.   
Don't let it fade from memory:    
	Wish that it won't die.