[critique] Re: New Song: I've Got a Little List

[Martin Julian DeMello <mdemello@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Also sprach Lee Gold...
> Martin Julian DeMello wrote:
> > 
> > As someday it may happen that my patience should be tried
> > I've got a little list, I've got a little list
> > I can open with a stroke, and simply drop a name inside
> > And it ceases to exist, it ceases to exist
> 
> I'd change that first line to 
> 	Since it happens every now and then my patience is sore-tried
> since otherwise it sounds as if the singer's patience has never 
> been tried before, until we found out the kill list is already set up.

Right you are, though I can't make 'sore-tried' scan. Doesn't it stress on
the 'sore' rather than the 'tried'?

> > There's the petty little pedants who correct my every slip
> > The dolts who talk of netiquette - I've had it with their lip
> > The self-appointed topic cops, and those who pay 'em heed
> > The person who inquires if there's *anyone* I read

The person who asks sweetly if there's *anyone* I read [there's always one
change I think of the instant I hit 'send']

> > And people who make snide remarks about the posts I've missed
> > They oughtn't to exist - they oughtn't to exist
> > 
> > He'll add them to the list (he'll add them to the list)
> > And they simply won't exist, they simply won't exist
> > 
> > Then the people who complain that public plonking is a crime
> > They must be round the twist - I'll add them to the list
> 	I've heard "round the bend" but not "round the twist".
> 	Is it new?

Not sure - I was paying tribute to Roald Dahl's retelling of Jack and the
Beanstalk (in 'Revolting Rhymes'):

 "I heard him, mum - my gizzard froze
 A giant with a clever nose!"
 "A clever nose?" his mother hissed
 "You must be going round the twist!"
 "He smelt me out, I swear it mum,
 He said he smelt an Englishman"

But I don't know if he invented the phrase. It's not new, though,

> > The irritating prats who say that flames should be in rhyme
> > They oughtn't to exist, they oughtn't to exist
> > And the sad, pathetic followers of long-outdated rules
> > The people who quote Godwin and a bunch of other fools
> 	I don't know who Godwin is.

Godwin's Law -
http://www.tuxedo.org/~esr/jargon/html/entry/Godwin's-Law.html

This and the line about flames being in rhyme (an rmfism, after all) will be
properly footnoted in the version that I put on my website

> > All the simple-minded morons who should not be on the net
> > The ones who tick me off, then wonder *why* I get upset
> > And the jerks who know they bother me, but none the less persist
> 	"nonetheless" is one word

Yep - noticed that after hitting send too.

> > They oughtn't to exist - they just should not exist
> > 
> > He'll put 'em on the list - he'll put 'em on the list
> > And they'll none of them exist - they simply won't exist.
> 
> pedanticly, --Lee Gold

:)

m.