[critique] Re: New Song: Ghosts

[Lee Gold <leeway@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

> Ghosts (by Gwen)
> 
> Out on the highway, it's snowing tonight.
> Flurries flicker by in the halogen lights.
> Down on the street, against the pavement below,
> Phantoms rise up from white ghosts of snow.

Still trying to tweak that third line:
	As I look down at the dark pavement below
would show the change of perspective and highlight
the color contrast.  It also makes it clear that
the snow is dying/melting on the pavement, which
I think helps the image of seeing ghosts.

> I see ghosts--memories that may not be there,
		memories I can't quite share
> I smell ghosts--snap decisions from thin air.
	are these perceptions of other people's snap decisions or
	the speaker's own snap decisions?  If the latter, I'd
	prefer "I feel ghosts."  


--Lee