[critique] Re: New Song: Ghosts

[Martin Julian DeMello <mdemello@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Also sprach Gwenzilla...
> On 2/14/01 9:36 AM, "Martin Julian DeMello" <mdemello@ruf.rice.edu> wrote:
> 
> > Very nice - I can almost but notquite hear a tune.
> 
> Thanks-- I'll see what I can do about getting a tune posted, but it's not
> going to be today....

When you do, could it be in something that I can convert to MIDI? Being
unmusical is quite a disadvantage at times.

> >> Close-range, my close friend is talking to me.
> > 
> > I don't really like the 'close-range', though it's hard to say why. It's
> > just jars against the 'friend'.
> 
> For me, it fit in with the whole geographical makeup of the song. I started
> out with a distant image ("Out on the highway"), moved in to some
> indeterminate 'closer' place ("Here in the middle"), then put the story's
> camera on a tight shot ("Close-range"). I wanted to convey both the idea
> that these phantoms move around, and that they strike without regard to the
> distance of the "I" In the song from the person she's talking to or trying
> to understand. Would "Up close" or "Closer" or some other phrase that
> implies physical proximity make it better for you? Or should I start with
> the phrase "close friend" and make that a more intimate or a differently
> intimate distinction? I don't want to use "best friend," because some people
> think you can have only one best friend, and I disagree with them. ;) I
> don't want to use the word "lover" because it's definitely a girl I'm
> talking to, and people might jump to some conclusions there, as well, not
> that-- well, never mind.
> 
> Did that make any sense at all? Feel free to commit me later.

Makes perfect sense. Thinking about it, I think my main objection is that
close-range is a rather detached, even inanimate word - it lacks the
intimacy that ought to attach to 'close friend'. Do you want to repeat the
'close'? If not, 'nearby' would work too. Also, I'd say 'a close friend',
though that's just personal preference.

m.