[critique] Re: New Song: Ghosts

[Gwenzilla <wireharp@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

On 2/14/01 9:36 AM, "Martin Julian DeMello" <mdemello@ruf.rice.edu> wrote:

> Very nice - I can almost but notquite hear a tune.

Thanks-- I'll see what I can do about getting a tune posted, but it's not
going to be today....

> 
>> Close-range, my close friend is talking to me.
> 
> I don't really like the 'close-range', though it's hard to say why. It's
> just jars against the 'friend'.
> 

For me, it fit in with the whole geographical makeup of the song. I started
out with a distant image ("Out on the highway"), moved in to some
indeterminate 'closer' place ("Here in the middle"), then put the story's
camera on a tight shot ("Close-range"). I wanted to convey both the idea
that these phantoms move around, and that they strike without regard to the
distance of the "I" In the song from the person she's talking to or trying
to understand. Would "Up close" or "Closer" or some other phrase that
implies physical proximity make it better for you? Or should I start with
the phrase "close friend" and make that a more intimate or a differently
intimate distinction? I don't want to use "best friend," because some people
think you can have only one best friend, and I disagree with them. ;) I
don't want to use the word "lover" because it's definitely a girl I'm
talking to, and people might jump to some conclusions there, as well, not
that-- well, never mind.

Did that make any sense at all? Feel free to commit me later.

Hugs,
Gwen


-- 
Gwen Knighton                                    wireharp@bellsouth.net
                       www.threeweirdsisters.com
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       You are in a maze of twisty little fa-la-las, all alike.
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                   -*Cyny Telyn* -- /Sing/ the harp-