[critique] Re: New Song: Ghosts

[Lee Gold <leeway@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Gwenzilla wrote:
> 
> Ghosts (by Gwen)
> 
> Out on the highway, it's snowing tonight.
> Flurries flicker by in the halogen lights.
> Down on the street, against the pavement below,
	"Against" doesn't quite seem like the right word here,
	unless the phantoms are dark, silhouetted against the 
	white, snowy pavement, which doesn't seem likely.
	"from the pavement below"?  

	This line doesn't have the same number of syllables as 
	the third line of the next verse.  You may need to 
	regularize the pattern if you want other people to be
	able to sing it.  I suspect you're humoring it as you
	sing it.

--Lee