[critique] Re: New Song: MAKE A WISH

[Sean Cleary <SCleary@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

I like it, except where it gets too talk down for me. Like shooting
stars are not stars. And most know that.
Maybe look at how you knew that someone or something may be dying? How
did the singer know/hear? Why does the singer know to mourn? The
mourning and hoping usually is before this point. 
Sean

	-----Original Message-----
	From:	Lee Gold [SMTP:leeway@mediaone.net]
	Sent:	Tuesday, February 13, 2001 11:05
	To:	critique
	Subject:	[critique] New Song: MAKE A WISH

	This is a song that I've never been able to move an audience
with, 
	I'm not sure what's wrong with it and so don't know how to
rewrite 
	it.  I'm not sure if it needs to move faster (and so drop the
	repeating lines) or to move slower (and get a prettier tune
	than the one I made up for it) or what.  

	I know I want it to start off sounding like a nursery rhyme
	and only slowly have the audience realize that it's serious.

	--Lee Gold

	MAKE A WISH
	by Lee Gold


	A falling star's a sight to see!  
		Watch it burn across the sky.   
	Make a wish you know can't be:    
		Wish the star won't die.      

	So many stars still hold their sway.
		See them burning in the sky.
	Just one star that's lost its way:
		Wish the star won't die.
	 
	Most stars last a million years.
		See them burning in the sky
	This one's end is drawing near.
		Wish the star won't die.

	Most stars are just flaming gas
		See them burning in the sky.
	One's a spaceship, falling fast.
		Wish the star won't die.

	A falling star's a sight to see:  
		Watch it burn across the sky.   
	Make a wish you know can't be:    
		Wish the star won't die.