[critique] New Song: MAKE A WISH

[Lee Gold <leeway@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

This is a song that I've never been able to move an audience with, 
I'm not sure what's wrong with it and so don't know how to rewrite 
it.  I'm not sure if it needs to move faster (and so drop the
repeating lines) or to move slower (and get a prettier tune
than the one I made up for it) or what.  

I know I want it to start off sounding like a nursery rhyme
and only slowly have the audience realize that it's serious.

--Lee Gold

MAKE A WISH
by Lee Gold


A falling star's a sight to see!  
	Watch it burn across the sky.   
Make a wish you know can't be:    
	Wish the star won't die.      

So many stars still hold their sway.
	See them burning in the sky.
Just one star that's lost its way:
	Wish the star won't die.
 
Most stars last a million years.
	See them burning in the sky
This one's end is drawing near.
	Wish the star won't die.

Most stars are just flaming gas
	See them burning in the sky.
One's a spaceship, falling fast.
	Wish the star won't die.

A falling star's a sight to see:  
	Watch it burn across the sky.   
Make a wish you know can't be:    
	Wish the star won't die.