[critique] Re: New Song: Yonder comes a Filker

[Sean Cleary <SCleary@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

It seems to twist a bit. In the first few verses you are objecting,
later you are acceptiing. 
There is no transformational/transitional verse where you give reason or
life experience to change. Or even say: 'but on the balance...'
Why bother to fear if you actually like or can tolerate the process and
what it brings you?
Sean

	-----Original Message-----
	From:	kyttn@comclin.net [SMTP:kyttn@comclin.net]
	Sent:	Monday, February 12, 2001 19:12
	To:	critique@filknet.org
	Subject:	[critique] Re: New Song:  Yonder comes a Filker



	Lee Gold wrote:
	>
	> I wrote a new song just yesterday             past
	> A brand new song, I'm gonna play              future
	> The words are sweet, the tune is clear,       present
	> and yet I share my song with fear             present
	>
	> Bhodran, doumbeck, 12-string and bassoon
	> Yonder comes Phil Allcock, and he stole my tune   present /
past
	>
	>I'm bothered by the inconsistent tenses.
	>
	>The original starts in the past with a contrasting chorus
	>in the present which seems less confusing.  I wish you'd take
	>that "Yonder comes Whozit and he's got my tune" and use it
	>for the Phil Allcock version too.

	Lee, thanks for the input!  Unfortunately life got in the way
and
	I've not been
	able to respond before now.  The reasoning for putting "Phil
Allcock,
	and he 
	stole my tune" was because I wanted it to reference Phil's song
	"Thank you 
	for the music, the songs I'm stealing" (the filk of ABBA's Thank
You
	for the 
	Music).  I considered an alternate verse:

	          I wrote a new song, just yesterday
	          Went to a con, my song to play
	          The words are sweet, the tune is clear
	          And yet I shared my song with fear

	Do you think that works any better?  

	Also, we decided to add a final verse and edited chorus to show
just
	how much we worry about
	parodies....:

	     The finest form of flattery
	     In filking is a parody
	     It makes them laugh, it makes them look
	     It brings your tune to more song books

	     Bhodran, doumbeck, 12-string and bassoon
	     Yonder comes a filker and he's got my tune
	     And I've passed the test, achieved success,
	     My song's just been parodied!


	Maya (kyttn)