[critique] Re: New Song: Yonder comes a Filker

[Lee Gold <leeway@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

"kyttn@comclin.net" wrote:
> 
> The reasoning for putting "Phil Allcock, and he
> stole my tune" was because I wanted it to reference Phil's song
> "Thank you for the music, the songs I'm stealing" 

Ah, I see.  How about
	Yonder comes Phil Allcock and he'll steal my tune

> I considered an alternate verse:
> 
>           I wrote a new song, just yesterday
>           Went to a con, my song to play
>           The words are sweet, the tune is clear
>           And yet I shared my song with fear

It's fine by itself but we still have the tense of what
Allcock will do.
	Yonder came Phil Allcock and he stole my tune
might do.

--Lee